Not quite the second honeymoon
by icecoldapplefangs13
Summary: Carlisle and Esme plan to go back to Isle Esme, but had to bring the kids along with them. Get ready for mayhem... lol. rated T for language and sexual refrences ;


Chapter 1 Let's try leave the house before sundown

I folded the last dress into the suitcase, struggled to zip it up and sighed happily. Somehow the children had found it in them to be quiet for once since 6am this morning. We decided to go back to Isle Esme this year, to spend our summer in the sun instead of locked up inside. However I didn't trust a household of seven teenagers and a baby alone in my house. Well an intelligent baby. And so we had to bring them along with us. They'd all started packing early in the morning and there had been non stop fighting since. 'I want to sit next to Bella!', 'Jasper get off my shoes!', 'Mom! Jacob stole my blanket!' and so on. But now we finally had some peace. Crash! I sighed heavily, I spoke too soon.

"Mom!" Edward yelled up the staircase "Emmett broke your vase!" I raced downstairs, hoping it wasn't my favourite. Sigh. It was. Emmett and Jacob stood in the middle of the lounge, pointing at each other with guilty faces.

"Who broke it?" I asked, but it was obvious it was Emmett. Jacob stepped back.

"Ugh Emmett we don't have time, we have to go now" I said, trying to keep as calm as possible. Most of the children seemed to be downstairs. Rosalie was flipping through a magazine, Jasper sitting crossed legged on the floor, showing Renesmee a map and pointing to it now and then. Edward was holding two games consoles in his hands, wondering whether to bring his Xbox or his Wii. He shrugged and packed both of them, along with a pile of games for each, followed by Nunchucks and controllers and guitars and the drum kit in separate pieces and the mic. He ended up having to have a suitcase just for his games. The others took advantage of this and packed there's as well, the Ds's and the Gameboys and the Playstations and the Psp's and the Ipod's and all the games for them as well. Emmett and Jacob were play fighting, playing a game called slapsies in which the slapped each other on the back of the hand until the other one gave in. Emmett won fair and square. Only Alice and Bella were missing. Carlisle came in and took all the suitcases and loaded half into Emmett's jeep, half into Edward's Volvo.

"Ok make sure you have everything" Carlisle called, hidden by Rosalie's huge suitcase. Renesmee took the tiny backpack off and began to check through it, going through books and crayons and things like that.

"Actually" Edward called to Carlisle, standing up swiftly and raising his hand "I want my Ipod for the journey."

"Me too!" the rest called. Carlisle sighed and began unloading the suitcase from the car.

"Bella, Alice" I called "We gotta go!"

"I can't find my passport" Bella yelled back.

"That's because I have it" I sighed.

"Oh, Ok!" she laughed and began to drag her suitcase down the stairs.

"Ok kids can you all get in the car please?" I asked, hoping they would respond without fighting. I was wrong.

"I want to sit next to Bella" Edward wined.

"Tough cause I am" Jacob grinned "And Renesmee too! And Emmett!"

"You can't sit next to all of us" Bella sighed.

"I'm not sitting next to Jasper" Rosalie said in a disgusted tone. Jasper glared at her.

"Jasper" I urged. He winked at me and the whole room fell silent.

"Thank god" I sighed in relief "Now I have a seating plan so no complaining" Jacob scowled. I ignored him.

"Ok in Emmett's Jeep, Carlisle will be driving and Jasper will be sitting in the front next to him. Emmett you and Rosalie will be in the back with Renesmee. Jacob you'll be in the trunk" I declared.

"The trunk?" he asked "You can't be serious"

"What am I meant to do?" I sighed "Rosalie won't sit next to Jasper, Jacob or Edward. Edward wants to sit with Bella, as does Alice. Jacob wants to sit next to Renesmee and Emmett"

"Simple" Edward grinned "Esme you drive the Volvo with Bella, Alice and myself sitting in the back, Bella in the middle. Have Carlisle drive the jeep with Jasper in the front with Jacob, Renesmee and Emmett in the back, Jacob in the middle. Then put Rosalie in the trunk" he smiled.

"I am not going in the trunk!" Rosalie screeched "You can't be serious!"

"Sorry Rose, that sounds like the best solution" I smiled weakly.

"How come we get Jacob?" she moaned, folding her arms "He smells" Jacob glared at her.

"Watch it Blondie!" he snapped

"Jacob" I warned. He continued to glare at Rose.

"Ok everyone in the car" I smiled. Once they were in the car I could think straight. They piled into their cars, Jacob and Rosalie at each others throats the whole time.

"Alice, come on hunny, we gotta go!" I called. Everyone was ready to go apart from Alice. I hadn't seen her since this morning and then it had only been a brief 'morning Esme'. She came downstairs carrying two suitcases, dragging another one behind her.

"Coming Esme" she mumbled under the suitcases. She raced down and flew to the Volvo, chucking them in the back and then going back up, coming back with two more.

"Alice how many clothes do you need?" Emmett chuckled. I guessed she was scowling at him but I couldn't see over the suitcase which was undoubtedly bigger than her. She climbed into the back of the Volvo with Edward and Bella, as I got into the drivers seat.

"Esme?" Edward asked in an innocent voice "can we have the white room?"

"No Edward" I sighed "That's mine and Carlisle's room"

Edward frowned. "Well" he sighed "Can we have the blue room?"

"Well" I said quietly, I didn't like to disappoint him "Rosalie did ask for that-"

"Please?" He interrupted "It will bring back awesome memories for us and it would mean so much to Bella" They gave me puppy-eyed looks.

"Don't worry" I heard Alice whisper in his ear "You'll get it" She winked.

"Fine" I smiled but then groaned "But please don't bite the headboard this time"

"I'll try" Edward grinned, making Bella giggle. Carlisle was finally able to leave to drive, Jasper had gotten out while he was loading Alice's last suitcase and it took ten minutes to get him back in, no thanks to the excitement build up of this morning. Carlisle pulled out and I followed closely behind him and laughed when I saw Jacob's head pop up before he waved and I could hear a "Hi mom!" sounding faint due to the thick glass. It was nice of Jacob to call me mom, he always said I reminded him of his own mother, or what he could remember of her anyway. We were barely down the highway when music blared from the Ipods in the back. Tik Tok by Ke$ha, a new craze in our household.

"Wake up in the morning feeling like P-diddy-" Alice sang, a wide grin on her face.

"Yo was sup girl?" Edward interrupted, shaking his hands as if they were covered in gold chains.

"-Got my glasses, I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city!" Bella finished the line for Alice. She was undoubtedly the best singer of our family, a separate skill to her shield. And that is how our journey continued for about an hour, the three of the jumping up and down in their seats and slamming into the headrests.

"Kids!" I shouted, interrupting the same song, now being played for the 15th time. They stopped immediately, the whole car now silent.

"Please" I moaned "can't you just, I don't know, play I-spy or something? Please? _Before_ I go insane"

Alice pouted and folded her arms, as did Edward.

"I spy with my little eye" Edward grumbled sarcastically. Bella didn't pout like the other two, I think she liked the silence just as much as I did. She folded her legs up and laid her head onto Edward's lap. That softened him up a little.

"I spy with my little eye something beginning with A" he smiled warmly at Bella.

"Ohh Alice!" Alice squealed. Edward constantly changed it so she couldn't see, she just had to guess.

"Nope" Edward grinned.

"Urm…" Alice began looking around the car "Air bag?"

"Nope"

"You sure it's not Alice?"

"No!"

"Air con?"

"Nope"

"Awesome Alice?"

"No!"

"I give in" Alice sighed "What is it?"

"A sexy beast" Edward yelled and began tickling Bella. Alice joined in until Bella was buried.

"Esme" I heard her, half yell half scream "Help Esme, Rape!" her voice was overcome by her hysterical giggles. I sighed. Alice and Edward jumped swiftly off Bella then Edward picked her up gently and sat her on his lap.

"Mom!" Alice whined "Tell them to stop making out"

"Edward, Bella please" I sighed, gripping the steering wheel tighter "Not now, we'll be on the plane soon and then we'll be there and then you can do that as much as you like"

"Hope we get there soon" he grinned, raising his eyebrows up and down continuously. He leaned down and whispered in Bella's ear "I can't wait" Alice grimaced and pointed a finger down her throat.

"Can't you two go three hours without sex?" she asked.

"Of course not" Bella said, as if it was a perfectly normal question

Alice sighed. I joined her. I wondered how Carlisle was doing. I knew pretty soon as he pulled over. He raced over to my car just as I stepped out.

"Carlisle, everything ok?" I asked, worried.

"Could you drive Emmett's jeep please?" he asked, his face full of stress.

"Well yes but…" I began. But before I had time to say anymore, I was sitting in the drivers seat of Emmett's Jeep, next to Jasper.

"Hello Esme" He said quietly. I smiled at him and started the engine back up. We had barely moved an inch when I realised why Carlisle had wanted to change cars.

"Aghhhh" Rosalie screamed "Jacob! Get off my hair!"

Jacob laughed. Emmett scowled and hit Jacob over the head with a book, Jacob's head going right through the middle, leaving it sitting around his head like a Victorian collar. Renesmee giggled then continued with her colouring.

"Ha! That was Edward's Oprah Winfrey book, he's gonna kill you!" Jacob grinned. Jasper chuckled.

"Don't tell him" Emmett begged "Please?"

Jacob ignored him, leaning over to inspect Renesmee's drawings.

"Awww hey Ness that's pretty" he smiled "What is it though?" He asked

"Well it's obviously not you if it's pretty is it?" Rosalie laughed.

"You want me to come back there?" Jacob growled "Cause b-"

"Ohh ohh" Emmett interrupted "Mom can you put this CD on?"

He dug through his backpack until he found a bag full of CD's and DVDs. He tipped this upside down, the cases spilling everywhere. I sighed. Why couldn't he just look through it like a normal person. Then again there was never a time where you could call my family normal.

"Nemo?" Jacob smirked picking up the DVD case.

"Shut up!" Emmett snapped, ripping the case off him "It's my favourite movie ok?" he added quietly. Finally he pulled out the case and flung it at the front, Jasper catching it neatly. He smiled, opened it and placed the disc into the player.

"Number 13, number 13!" Emmett chanted. Jasper flicked it over to the specific number. Rock music blared from the stereo.

"Fall out boy?" Rosalie asked sceptically "I thought you didn't like them after they broke up?"

"They still live on!" Emmett screamed and began shouting the lyrics "Oh hell yes! I'm a nervous wreck! Oh hell yes!…"

I sighed. Keep calm, keep calm.

"Esme!" Jacob yelled "Rosalie's poking me!"

"Am not!" she cried, although I could see she was.

"Yes you are!"

"Not!"

"Are!"

"Not!"

"Rosalie stop it" I moaned "please?"

Rosalie stopped and glared at Jacob.

"Fine!" she hissed and turned her back to him, picking up a magazine.

Emmett was still head banging, slamming his head into the back of Jasper's chair.

"Emmett!" he screamed high pitched "Get off me!" The car fell silent.

"Dude, you scream like a girl!" Jacob laughed. Jasper glared at him.

"Kids please" I moaned "Were nearly at the airport but until then can you please be good?"

"Maybe" Jasper muttered. He took the CD out of the stereo. Emmett stopped head banging.

"Dude, what are you doing? Put it back on!" he cried at Jasper. Jasper ignored him and wound down his window, before flinging the CD like a Frisbee out of it.

"Aghh" Emmett squealed "What did you do? Folie a deux! No!"

Emmett punched his fist into Jasper's head rest, his fist smashing through it.

"Dude that's _your_ car your breaking, you know that right?" Jacob smirked. Emmett frowned.

"Look Esme!" Renesmee cried holding up her picture "I drew us!"

Jacob took the picture and handed it to me.

"Oh that's wonderful Renesmee" I said with a smile "That's going right on the fridge when we get home"

"The fridge?" Emmett yelled "My pictures _never_ go on the fridge!"

"Well if you draw one now, it can go on the fridge with Renesmee when we get home, can't it?" I suggested. It would keep him quiet until we got to the airport.

"Ok!" He grinned "Jake, move over I need to sit nest to Nessie so I can use the crayons." Jacob didn't respond, he just sat there holding his stomach.

"Oh, Esme" he groaned "Can we pull over? I feel sick" I'm not surprised he felt sick. For breakfast he had two hams, 5 fried eggs, 7 rashes of bacon, 6 bowls of captain space crispy commander O's, and to top it off a blueberry muffin.

"Pull over! Pull over!" Emmett cried "I'm not having puke in my car!"

We pulled over at the edge of the road. Jacob struggled with his seatbelt when, in the end, he just ripped it to shreds and kicked the car door open, flinging himself out of it.

"Be good" I warned the kids, then stepped out to see if he was ok. Carlisle had pulled in behind me, the stress only seemed double on his face. Jacob was on his knees, leaning over in a ditch.

Emmett had shifted over to where Jacob was sitting and began searching through her backpack for crayons. Jacob was violently sick, Edward was laughing the entire time. Bella elbowed him in the ribs and, considering how much stronger she is than him, he was rubbing it for a while afterwards. Once Jacob had finished we gave him some water and told Jasper that Jacob would have to sit in the front. Jasper gave me a worried look but agreed it would be better for Jacob. Emmett was still colouring, Nessie now staring out the window listening to her tiny silver ipod her father had gotten her last Christmas. Rosalie was playing with Emmett's hair, twirling it in her fingers as he drew. Jasper had pulled his Game boy out of his backpack and was playing super Mario. Jacob came and sat in the front with me, still cradling his stomach. I smiled. Finally, some peace. We were 10 minutes away from the airport and, with our Cullen driving, we'd be there within 5. As long as we didn't have to pull over again. Jacob gave me a weak smile. I think he'd make it.

"Jasper" Emmett growled. His growling turned into shouting "Jasper! Get off! Get your own crayons!"

"There not even your crayons Emmett, there Renesmee's" Rosalie stated.

"Yeah!" Jasper sneered.

"Boys, please" I said, turning to face them "Were nearly there. Jasper, honey, you can draw on the plane" Jasper stuck his tongue out at Emmett.

"Look mom!" Emmett cried, shoving his hand in the air, holding the picture up, knocking Jasper in the face as he did "I finished!"

"Oh that's wonderful Emmett" I smiled, taking the picture off him "It will go right on the fridge when we get home, next to Renesmee's"

There was a buzzing noise in the back of the car. Emmett looked down and picked up a walkie talkie at his feet.

"Breaker, breaker this is armed and fabulous over" I heard Alice's voice on the other end.

"Come in Armed and fabulous this is the Em-ster, what seems to be the problem?" Emmett asked, now turning serious.

"I just had a vision of you punching the Major Jazz in the face, is this true? over" Alice's voice was no longer nice.

"Armed and fabulous this is the Em-ster, it was an accident over" Emmett sounded like he didn't want to be in any form of trouble with Alice.

"Sure it-" Alice began.

"Hey sup peeps, this is terminator over"

"Edward get out of here!"

"I will be addressed as terminator thanks _Em-ster_ over"

"Whatever terminator over" Emmett grumbled.

"Armed and Fabulous why do we need these walkie talkies anyway? Over"

"_Because_ Terminator, it is a lot more fun than using are cell phones and I've seen we'll need them when we get there"

"This is the Em-ster, aren't you two sitting next to each other? Over"

Alice sighed "Armed and Fabulous out"

Emmett glared at his walkie talkie then put it gently on the floor. We still haven't forgiven him for the last time he had walkie talkies.

"Esme, I'm feeling better" Jacob grinned. He would do, he healed fast "Can you put _my _CD on?"

"Ok Jacob" I sighed "Just keep the volume to a reasonable level"

"Ha don't worry Esme" I heard Rosalie laugh "If it's Jacob' sissy music it won't be that loud"

"Ya know _Rosalie_" Jacob hissed, turning around in his seat to face her "I _was_ going to give you a broken neck _after_ we get back, but I guess I can do it now if you really want one"

"As if" Rosalie muttered but she still turned back to her DS. I was glad. I couldn't deal with anymore fighting between those two, especially not in the car. Jacob slid in his CD and turned it to the specific number. Heavy metal blared through the speakers. It wasn't really singing at all, it was just shouting and screaming.

"Who are these?" Renesmee hissed, turning her Ipod up.

"It's a custom made CD" Jacob explained while playing air drums "I like to express myself through music"

"I always knew your soul was dark Jacob, but not as dark as slipknot" Jasper chuckled.

"You can talk" Jacob muttered, opening his eyes for a second then going back to his 'Rocking out'.

Ah thank god. I finally noticed a plane taking off, the airport was just here. If they could just keep the car-and each other- in one piece until we got there, I could relax. I switched off Jacob's CD and with an "Awww" from him, I handed it over.

"Okay kids were at the airport" I smiled. Those were the words I'd wanted to say from the beginning of our journey "So get your things together, Emmett I want all those CD's picked up"

Emmett grumbled but did as he was told and began picking up the cases and shoving them into his Spiderman backpack. Rosalie had opened her suitcase and was double checking she had everything in there. Renesmee turned off her tiny Ipod, wound the headphones around them and put it in her bag. Jasper was opening each case of his entire batman collection, making sure none of the discs had fallen out during Emmett's 'rave'. Finally we go to the airport, Carlisle pulling in next to me in the parking lot. I checked through my purse making sure I had everyone's passports, the keys and everything else of importance.

"Stay here" I warned the kids. If I let them out with me, there would be complete chaos. Carlisle stepped out as I did, Chocolate mousse in his blonde hair.

"Carlisle what happened?" I gasped, trying to get most of the mousse out.

"Never put me back in that car again" He sighed "They turned there music up really loud and then Bella's shirt was thrown against the front window and I couldn't see. Edward shouted 'Score!' and then I glared at him. He got mad and started moaning. Alice was still jumping up and down. Then they played dares and Alice was chucking mousse everywhere. It got all in my hair and I think it's dried in." He tapped the rock hard chocolate stuck in his hair "Then Edward made the excuse that his pants 'magically' came off. I shouted 'no sex in the car!' and then Edward got mad and went on and on about why he couldn't have sex in the back of his own car with his sister and father watching. Alice shouted 'Let me see if I can throw myself out the window' and then began climbing out of it!" He seemed to be even more stressed.

"Well were here now" I sighed happily "Thank god" I added. I glared at Edward, who was giving me an innocent look through the glass of his Volvo. The children piled out of the car as Carlisle began to load all the suitcases onto a trolley. We ended up needing two. Renesmee clambered up and sat on the top suitcase, grinning.

"Mom" Emmett wined "Can I sit on the other one?"

"No" I said sternly but softened up when I saw I'd made him upset "Emmett honey, your too big"

"Yeah" Jacob butted in "Sides that's were I'm sitting!" Jacob attempted to jump on top of the suitcases but he missed and they ended up on top of him instead. Well of course Edward, Emmett and Jasper burst out laughing as they hi-fived. Alice giggled. Bella sighed. Renesmee was struggling to pull the huge heavy suitcase on top of the pile on Jacob. And I think Rosalie was the worst. I actually thought we might break a hole in vampire mythology and see a vampire cry. She was rolling over the floor in hysterical laughter, slamming her hands so hard on the floor that cracks began to show in the concrete.

"Rose" Edward hissed, his own laughter stopping instantly "You're going to make a scene"

"She already does!" Jacob shouted loudly, though he voice was muffled by 6 packed suitcases. Rosalie growled but got up from the floor in an instant, brushing away the concrete pieces. Carlisle sighed and easily lifted the heavy cases off Jacob. Jacob sat up gasping but grinned.

"I'll just walk then" he muttered, jumping up and helping Carlisle stack the suitcases again.

"Ok" I said, turning to the rest of the children "I know how easy you wander off" Everyone looked at Emmett.

"Guys come on" He moaned "give me some slack, I got a short attention span"

"We know" Jasper muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Anyway" I said slowly "We have to stay together so everyone, just stay with your…urm…partner"

All the pairs held hands and Jacob sat Renesmee on the top suitcase and grinned.

"Good, okay lets go" I said but turned around instantly "Oh and just a warning, Emmett and Edward, do not make that scene like you did last time with the 'washboard tight abs'." Emmett and Edward went through a stage were they played a game in which they had to stand in the middle of a crowded place, pull up there shirt and start dancing while shouting 'check out my washboard abs'. They attracted quite a crowd of women but that was long before Edward found Bella so I didn't expect them to play it. We headed into the airport with the two huge trolleys loaded with suitcases, with Renesmee sitting on the one Jacob was pushing. Of course, we didn't get far before people began staring and muttering and swooning.

"Even the baby is beautiful" I heard a young girl say to her mother who seemed to be lost in Carlisle.

"Wow look at the brunette" A man who looked roughly in his twenties said to his friend "That guy is so lucky"

I saw Edward grin at this and hold Bella's hand tighter.

"Have you seen the blonde one" The other one muttered "I swear heavens lost a few angels and there all having a vacation together"

Emmett laughed behind me. We were soon through the security gates and boarding the plane, with many incidents of Emmett pointing to Carlisle and screaming "He's got a bomb!"

I just hoped we got there soon.


End file.
